So I’ve been on a World of Warcraft break for a few days. Funny how you waste your time away on something and are afraid to leave it, and when you finally do, you find it’s not all that bad out there in the real world. But here is the problem: NO WOW = SO FUCKING BORED.

To combat this battle of boredom, Josh and I headed out to get a fix for our addiction. I’ve come to realize something about my gamer fiancé…he’s a brat. Not just a brat, but a VERY SPOILED brat! As I trailed my eyes along the shelves of Xbox games available at my neighborhood Gamestop, every time I came across something that might fit the bill for the night I just heard a whole lot of “I already have that” piercing my ears. Seriously? What game doesn’t he have? Just hang some sugar cubes around my neck and call me sugar momma! But I digress!

Even through all of this realization, it still doesn’t fix the issue that I couldn’t find a game I really wanted to play. David, my Gamestop know-it-all friend and infamous podcaster from BossBattlePodcast.com, suggested a few things, but then in the end decided I should just go home and play Josh’s copy of Oblivion. Skyrim is coming out soon so this actually sat well with me. It would get me in the mood for upcoming release and give me something to do for the night. I love it when a plan comes together!

Then again, maybe the plan didn’t come together so well. Instead of popping in Oblivion I was somehow talked into playing Mass Effect. Not the latest and greatest version either, just the plain old Mass Effect 1. Are you shocked? Well if not, you should be…or you don’t know me. I RARELY play shooters. I’m teribad at them. The ones I excel in are the ones I can just sort of spray and pray. Things like Left for Dead or Borderlands or anything I am playing multi-player in and can hopefully be carried by someone else who is good at shooters. Mass Effect has been a part of my household for years, however, so I know it well. But I’ve never tried the original Mass Effect on my own. I gotta say, after one night of gameplay, it wasn’t all that bad. And as surprising as it may be, I will be heading back in tonight to unravel more of the story.

I won’t even bother getting into my thoughts on the game play or graphics or anything like that. It’s an old game…and that means old news, but to be honest I was dreading playing the game before I even started it. Why? Because it’s a shooter and that’s the mentality I have for this shit. How fair is that? As I played, I kept asking myself “Why Don’t I play shooters?” and I think I have a list. Oh ya baby, a top 5 list!

1. I know nothing about weapons. I hear guys who play shooters say they are switching to their assault rifle, sniper rifle, submachine gun, light machine gun, etc. Is it fair to assume that I should know the difference between an assault rifle and a sniper rifle? What they look like or when I should use one over the other? I have one thing to say if you think I should…kiss my ass!
2. I spiral aim. Do you know what that is? It’s when a target comes into view and I try to aim for him, but all I end up doing is creating this sort of spiral circle to hone in on his head. Yes, I eventually get there, but for some reason I just can’t move my target immediately to a location without the “spiral”.
3. “Taking cover” behind objects doesn’t always work. I’ve seen it in multi-player and in RPG’s. A lot of times even if you hide behind a rock or a wall, people or NPC’s can shoot right through them! At least with something like a hack and slash I can block with a shield or something, but shooters just seem very finicky about cover options.
4. Gaining experience or unlocking weapons, maps or other objects based on multiplayer gameplay is just a bad idea for people like me. I feel like my only option is to play the campaign in these games (when it’s available) because taking the multi-player path would mean it would take me twice a lifetime to gain a fucking level.
5. Multi-player shooters are full of cheaters. No matter how bad I am, I do not cheat in games. I would rather come in last place and take more verbal assaults from the asshats that play and are good, than to hack my xbox or use mods to cheat. These automatic targeting or radars that let you see where people are, I’m sorry, but why am I going to pay $60 for a game, just to cheat? IMO…if you do that…you suck worse than I do!

Having said all that, I need help, maybe a 12 step program or something? I WANT to like shooters. There are so many great ones out there and I know I don’t give them a fair chance. Come on people, what can I do to fall in love with shooters like some of you are? What can I do to learn more about the mechanics of shooters? What can I do to…not suck?